Day 27: Don’t Let Niceness Bite You In The Butt

This largely unedited free-write is linking up with the Write 31 Days Challenge. // indicates the start and stop of five minutes. The prompt word for today is CONFRONT. Go!

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//  So… I’m a really nice person. I mean, I’m a reeeeeeally nice person. So much so that, over the years, my niceness has bitten me in the butt regularly.

Excuse me?

You see, I hate confrontation. I am the kind of person who would be nice to difficult people over and over and avoid confrontation AT ALL COSTS. Kinda like Switzerland. I were a Miss America contestant, I would have to say that my life mission was “World peace.”

I would avoid issues, I would avoid stressful situations, and I would avoid getting angry… that is until the situation got so bad that I would simply POP.

Have you been there?    

The problem is that my ‘popping’ would usually cause more harm than good because the inevitable would happen… emotions would get involved and feelings would get hurt.

But at least I was NICE for as long as possible.

Then I moved to Jeffreys Bay, and I learned to fight. Haha! That sounds bad, but there’s an element of truth there. One of the values of our church is that

“Relationships are Non-negotiable.”

That means that we can disagree on issues and not break relationships. We don’t walk away.

Sounds great! But what does it look like?

Well, did you know that the word “confront” actually means “to turn toward.”  Yup, that’s right!

• Healthy confrontation means TURNING TOWARD the person you are upset with.
• Healthy confrontation means TURNING TOWARD the issue at hand. //
• It means that we don’t turn away from the issue because the person we are upset with is on the other side of the issue!

When we try to avoid the issue, we actually turn away from the relationship! Click To Tweet

Wow! This is true with all of the relationships in our lives… husbands, parents, friends, colleagues. OUR KIDS!

How many times have you given into bad behaviour just to be the nice parent? Or worse yet, given in just to avoid causing a scene in Walmart? Ugh. Did it improve the quality of your relationship with your child, or did you secretly resent them for making you look weak and stupid? Did you withdraw your heart from them afterward?

We can’t afford to do that anymore!

We need to get better at addressing issues early, before the emotions get heightened and feelings get hurt. We need to get better at turning toward people and resolving situations quickly.

We need to get better at healthy confrontation!

I believe in you. You CAN do this!

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I know I’ve said it before, but the books that radically helped us get better with this issue is the Boundaries series, by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Check it out. They’re a brilliant investment!

Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives

Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No

And they even have one for marriages…

Boundaries in Marriage

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To read more of 31 Days of Mom Awesomeness, click here.

For more information on the Write 31 Days challenge, check out Christina Hubbard’s site!