When NOW Hurts

If I was going to be honest, I’d say that I don’t really like my “Now” this week. Now hasn’t been fun. It hasn’t been filled with “Let’s go party now,” or “Let’s go out now!”

No, our NOW has been filled with more emotion than I know what to do with. “Guys, its time to pack your bags now.”   “Honey, can you load the trailer now?”  

“Josh… I’m so sorry, Honey. It’s time to go now.”

So sore.

I would love to go back to the Christmases of ‘years gone by’ when the urgency was only “Come, guys! Let’s make some shortbread now!” Or “Gotta wrap the presents now.” Or “It’s time to straighten up the house… company is coming now!”

What I wouldn’t give to go back to those days of scattered toys, constant noise, and sibling drama. 

Yesterday, we sat in a puddle of tears with our son as he said goodbye to his dogs. Eyes bloodshot, hearts breaking. And the puppies know too, don’t they? I know that goodbyes come with the territory of being Third Culture Kids, but it’s awful! Our kids have had too many goodbyes in their short lifetime.

  • This week was goodbyes to his friends (some he’s had since our first day here ten years ago), his church, his room, his house, his favourite teachers. You name it. ‘Now’ hurts.
  • In two weeks time, he’ll also say goodbye to his dad, his brother, and little sister.
  • In four weeks time, he’ll also say goodbye to me. Oh my heart. 💔

No, now is not fun… but now is what we’ve been given.

So what are we gonna do with NOW?

We’re going to stay focused on what we HAVE:

We’ve got each other—and we don’t just love each other, we also really like each other.

We’ve got food and a beautiful place to stay in Cape Town.

We’ve got a tiny little Christmas tree and a bit of money to buy some presents.

We’ve got kids who love the Lord and who are eager to reach their purpose and destiny!

We’ve got a hope and a future!

We’ve got a Father who always keeps His Word concerning us!

Now…  we’re gonna go make some Christmas cookies and make the house smell like Christmas.


An excerpt from Erwin’s prayer for Josh last Sunday morning in Victory Church JBay:

Father, I wanna thank You for Your goodness. I wanna thank You, God, that we can trust You in every area of our lives, but especially in the areas where we do not have understanding and where we are afraid. I wanna thank You, Lord, that we can trust You with our children. I wanna thank You, Lord, that we can trust You with our futures. I wanna thank You, Lord, that we can trust You with our finances. I wanna thank You, Lord, that we can trust You with our dreams and our weaknesses.

Father, I thank You for my amazing son. Thank You for blessing me. Thank You for teaching me so much through him. And Father, I wanna thank You, first and foremost, for saving him and filling him with Your Holy Spirit, and causing him to have a Kingdom awareness that he would never have had had we not walked the paths that You’ve called us to walk in. Thank You for forcing Shauna and I to work past our fears and our smallness of thinking, and to bring us to this place.

Father, I wanna thank You for the prophetic word on Josh’s life in the area of music.
I wanna say “Yes and amen” to all that You have in store for him. I wanna say “Yes and amen” to the prophetic destiny on his life and the good things You have in store for him. I wanna say “Yes and amen” to the fact that You are gonna prosper him wherever he goes, wherever he sets his feet, because he has an understanding of Kingdom and he has an understanding of Your goodness, and Your faithfulness, and Your grace.

Father, I pray Your protection over him, and that You would expand him beyond what he could think or imagine in his time in Canada. I pray for good friends, a good job, for his schooling, and all these things to come to pass. And we say thank You, thank You, thank You.

And I speak Your blessing, the Father’s blessing over him, the blessing of this house over him—that all that You instilled in him, I pray God that it would come back to remembrance to him, regularly and often, especially when he feels disconnected or alone. I pray that You would visit him and grace him, and assist him and help him.

I pray as well for his grandparents, as they have this young person coming into their house. I speak grace over them, and on their budget as this man eats us out of house and home. Father, I pray your blessing on them—may the food expand like it did with the 12 bushels of bread and fish.

I speak prosperity on Joshua, and favor on Joshua, and success on Joshua, and everything that he puts his hands to and everywhere he goes.

In Jesus’ mighty name! Amen.

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Today is Five Minute Friday, the day when inspiring writers post their five minutes of brilliance on a one word prompt. Today the word was NOW, but I can’t tell you how long I wrote cuz I forgot my timer and I’m typing on my iPad with two fingers. Grace grace!




12 replies
  1. Christina Hubbard
    Christina Hubbard says:

    This: “We’ve got each other—and we don’t just love each other, we also really like each other.” Speaks to me. So hard, all these goodbyes, but so much beauty will come of it, so many pages unturned. Adventures. Joys. New love. Thank you for sharing the hard of your lovely journey. It’s heartening, as always.

    • Shauna Blaak
      Shauna Blaak says:

      Thanks, Christina! It’s so true! And such a comfort to know that we’re not alone in this. Community is precious!
      Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas! ❤️️

  2. Jeanne Takenaka
    Jeanne Takenaka says:

    Awww, Shauna, goodbyes are so, so hard. I haven’t said goodbye to one of my boys yet, but I dread when that day comes. I’ll be praying for you as God brings you to mind.

    You are blessed to have children who are passionate about God and discovering His calling on their lives. That is a gift.

    As your family enters this new chapter, may God fill in the gaps in each of your hearts. May He be your comfort and your peace. Sending you a hug from Colorado.

    • Shauna Blaak
      Shauna Blaak says:

      Thanks, Jeanne. I receive that… all of it. And you’re right, it is a huge blessing to see them passionate and pursuing God! We are so grateful!

      Have a wonderful holiday with all of your boys! 🙂 If I’m ever in Colorado, I will definitely look you up.

  3. Mary Hood
    Mary Hood says:

    Oh, Im sorry for all the good-byes now. They are never easy. But the now’s of this moment can be something new. New beginnings, new blessings, new hope. And there will be a time you will say, now I am seeing them again. Until then, now believe that all is in the Father’s hand. Have a blessed Christmas!

    • Shauna Blaak
      Shauna Blaak says:

      Thanks, Mary! I appreciate your encouragement so much. You’re so right, new new new. Father, help us to see Your hand in all of this.

      Merry Christmas to you guys, too! 🙂

  4. Emma Hughes
    Emma Hughes says:

    Wow, you have captured so much with the word ‘now’ – the ‘now’ of yesterday when it meant something so different, and the pain of the right ‘now’ as you go through the tear-jerking grief process of saying good-bye 🙁 🙁 What a strong and courageous mother you are as you hang on to the positive and the importance of choosing life and hope. Your family is in my prayers as you journey through the next few weeks together…. xxox

    • Shauna Blaak
      Shauna Blaak says:

      Thanks so much, Emma! I always love it when you visit and comment because I know that you also understand struggle and perseverance. Your encouragement is precious, and your prayers so appreciated! (Now if only I could moan and complain in poetic form, then I’d be really impressed with myself.)

      Have a wonderful Christmas with your hubby and all your beautiful babies! ❤️️

  5. Matt Barron
    Matt Barron says:

    God bless you in the difficulties of transition.

    The Lord is a man acquainted with sorrows – He knows your need and though suffering is right now shouting in your ears, His soft, still voice is speaking blessing over you and your family.

    • Shauna Blaak
      Shauna Blaak says:

      Thanks, Matt. You are so right and I receive that encouragement. Tuning my ears to hear that still small voice.
      Thank you so much for visiting & Welcome to FMF!


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